a blur

It is the last hour of the last day of April in the year 2016.  It has been almost an entire year since I posted here... whoa.

Can I just say something?
        The last 12 months have been a blur.

My latest post was at the end of last May... so let me fill you in since then:

At the beginning of last June, we started to really get our arms around just how sick my Aunt was.  She lives in Florida, so after figuring out that we might not have much time left with her, I took a few days off work and went with my family to see her.  I was grateful to have the time with her, even though spending your days in a hospital room is not high on most people's list.  As a family, we really came together to be there for each other and support one another.  We shared some special memories and made a few new ones, too.  I said my goodbye's to Terri the day I had to fly back home, and I don't know that I will ever forget that moment.

My sister's big bachelorette trip to Nashville was the following weekend, so I spent the spare minutes I had perfecting the plans and decorations for the trip.  We all had a great time - Nashville is a whole lot of fun!!  The Sunday we got back, we got word that my Aunt had passed.  It is so crazy to me that you can be on such a high from having a blast exploring a new city, and in a split second, can crash down so low after hearing news like that.

There is never a "convenient" time to lose someone you care about.  My family just had to keep plugging along on things for my sister's September wedding, even in the midst of dealing with my Aunt's passing.  At the beginning of August we threw my sister an adorable "Breakfast at Tiffany's" themed bridal shower.  My Aunt, Stepmom and Grandma and I had a great time hand-making the decorations for the shower.  I was so pleased with how it turned out!  (maybe a future blog post..?)

About a month before the wedding we threw my sister a mini-bachelorette party here in St. Louis, since the group that went to Nashville was the bridal party only.  We wanted other friends and family to have the chance to celebrate with her as well.  It was the first bachelorette party I have attended where the bride decided, spur-of-the-moment, to get a tattoo!  It was a little crazy, but hey!  it's her wedding, right?

As you can guess, the entire summer just flew right by with all of the wedding festivities, which took us right to the middle of the September - the BIG day!  Everything went off without a hitch and everyone had a great time dancing the night away in a big beautiful barn under the stars.  Kyle, the groom, even rode on horseback into the ceremony!

Tracy Wallin Photography

Tracy Wallin Photography

Tracy Wallin Photography

Tracy Wallin Photography

I also failed to mention - mixed in with all the wedding madness - my sister and parents surprised me with a pet pig for my birthday!  I know that sounds crazy, but for real, I've wanted a pig since I was like 12.  For me, it was a dream come true.

Calvin Swine

October... Halloween, Halloween party...   November... Thanksgiving...   December... Christmas...
(plus the usual laundry-bills-work-exercise-grocery shop-etc. squished in those months)

*whew* we made it to 2016!

Throughout all of last year, my three sisters and I worked really hard to make my Mom's year special.  You might have read in other posts that she was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer back in April of 2014.  Her prognosis was 2 years, with chemo.  We planned some big dinners for her and got some of her siblings together for a special meal.  She also kept working on crossing off items on her bucket list, and making memories with her daughters and grandchildren.  It wasn't always an easy road; my sisters and I spent many days texting and calling each other frustrated with the symptoms of mom's sickness, or medicine, or some combination of both.  It is heartbreaking to watch someone's mind and body give way while you can't do a thing about it.

After the holiday craziness had died down, my sisters and I changed our focus, almost entirely, to Mom.  Her health and mental state were declining and we wanted to be as prepared as we could be for the inevitable.  On a Saturday in April, I said goodbye to my Mom for the last time, and she passed away the next morning.  The following days were even more of a blur than the last year had been.  I basically stopped working on work, and only worked on things for her service.  We had the service on a Friday, and then it was right back into the swing of things on Monday.  Or at least, attempt to.  It has been hard to adjust to her being gone.  We had a very... unique relationship.  We were not your typical mother-daughter bond many people are lucky enough to have.  But that doesn't mean I loved her any less, or don't miss her as much.

So all of that brings me to right here.  This moment.  It has been almost a month since Mom has passed and it still feels like just yesterday.  I am still adjusting.  I am still recovering from last year and this year, and everything, really.  At this point it doesn't feel right to say "recovering" because things have been moving so fast for so long I can't even keep up with what I am recovering from!

Posts will likely be slow on the blog again for a little while.  I actually considered just letting it die a quiet, peaceful death.  But I was (pleasantly) surprised to see the blog had traffic every single month last year, even though I didn't post anything the last seven months.  So somebody must be checking in to see what's been happening here.  Whoever you are - THANK YOU!!  It means the world to me.


I hope that this post finds you well.  That you are taking care of yourself, loving those who are close to you, or you are at least opening your eyes with fresh life each morning.  As cheesy as that might sound, sometimes that is the biggest (or only) accomplishment I have in a given day.

fresh + bright

I've been a little late getting this out - but hey!  It is technically still Spring, so I am technically within the time frame :)

If you liked my DIY Spring Wreath you'll love this one because all of the decor coordinates with that wreath.

I love getting the Spring stuff out because it is so bright and fresh and earthy.  I especially love the little twig/grass bird!

I hope you have been enjoying this Spring season - what do you do to brighten up your home?

diy: spring wreath

Ahh, it is that time of year!  The birds are chirping, the grass is green, and my allergies are crazy!  It must be Springtime again :)

Looking for an easy afternoon project, maybe between yard projects or for a rainy day?  Check out this pretty spring wreath:

As usual, I started out with Pinterest for some inspiration.  Here's a link to my { holidays + seasons } board if you want to see what I've pinned.

What you'll need:

• basic twig wreath
• ribbon, 2 sizes: appx. 3"W and 1.5"W (I just cut the 3" roll in half to get the 1.5" wide pieces)
• appx. 15-20 individual floral stems (you can purchase a floral bunch instead of single stems, just make sure you have 15-20 flowers total)
• floral wire
• hot glue
• floral snips
• wire snips

supplies

Step 1:  if you purchased a bunch of stems, snip each stem off of the bunch so you have individual flowers to work with

Step 1

Step 2:  work with the flowers until you get an arrangement you like.  You don't have to be precise, but this will help you know where to start working and which flowers should overlap.  If you are adding a bow and ribbon like I have, make sure to leave a gap for the bow and some space between the flowers for ribbon.

Step 2

Step 3:  begin to wire each stem onto the frame.  If you can, tuck the stem under large twigs in the wreath for added stability.  It is important to wire each stem at least once, this will ensure the arrangement stays during use and storage.  Occasionally hold the wreath upright to see if any stems move or sag; add additional wire if needed.  As you work, you may want to cut off some of the leaves that are on the stems - I only left about half of them and cut off the rest.

Step 3

Step 3

Step 4:  (optional) wire accent stems onto the wreath

Step 4 (optional)

Step 5:  make and attach your bow.  If you have read any of my other tutorials, you know I am not the greatest bow-maker.  I completely made this bow up, to the point that I even feel bad calling it a "bow".  It is more like a bow-imposter.  Feel free to reference youtube for various bow and centerpiece tutorials.  The yellow metal flower I found in the garden section.  Don't be afraid to think outside of the box for your supplies - you never know where you might find something great!

Step 6:  wrap the 1.5" ribbon around the wreath, gluing it in place on the backside of the wreath

...And you are finished!

my love handles have a story

Can I get really off-topic for a minute?  Kthanks.

I'm about 15 pounds overweight.  I have concluded this on my own without a medical or fitness education, so take it for what you want.  Even if it is more than that I don't know that I could be that honest with myself.

Source

I have worked pretty hard the past two or three years to lose weight.  Some months I worked a lot harder than others.  I never went on a really strict diet or a crazy exercise routine.  I did workout several times a week, we cleaned up some of our eating habits and I even trained for and ran a half marathon.  Unfortunately, I haven't seen much success.  I have lost a few pounds here or there, but inevitably I have gained them back.  And trust me, this is not a pity party; I'm simply giving you some context for where my head is at right now. 

Do I want to be overweight?  No.  Am I willing to completely sacrifice or give up things that I enjoy that may not be very healthy just to shed a few pounds?  Probably not.  And you know what?  My love handles have a history.  A story all their own.  And as crazy as this sounds, I have earned those extra pounds.  

College did a number on me, like most people I think.  In high school I played sports nearly year-round; sometimes the sports seasons would overlap one another.  Several weeks throughout the school year I would have double practices, spending four hours after school doing physical activity, 3-5 times a week.  So naturally, when you transition from that schedule to one consisting of hours in class, hours in studio and hours watching One Tree Hill reruns on Soapnet, I gained a few pounds.  I tried to be conscious of what I was doing to my body, but there is only so much you can do when getting through college is your only goal.  And when I say "getting through" I mean surviving without failing a class, completely running out of money or suffering a nervous breakdown.  I'm sure there was more I could have done; hindsight is always 20/20 as they say.  But I don't know that I would have done anything differently, given the chance to do it again. 

Sure, I could have bought my own groceries and made fresh food in my dorm instead of going to the dining hall.  But then I would have missed out on unforgettable moments with my new college friends.  I would have never learned how to make "Derek's Mac 'n cheese" when nothing else looked appetizing.  I wouldn't have gotten to know the sweet old lady who swiped our meal cards.  I wouldn't have been able to hear the gossip from last night's shenanigans. 

And yes, I could have not gone on so many "ice cream dates".  But I would have missed precious time with a new best friend.  A best friend that I would live hours away from in just three short years.  A friend that, five years after graduating college and moving back home, I can still say is my best friend. 

Now, you could look at me and judge me - say I'm making excuses.  And that's fine.  You haven't heard my whole story. 

Here is what you don't know: those extra pounds are my "battle wounds", if you will, from my three years at college.  Three years that is scheduled to be four years - but I was broke; I lived off of scholarships and money from being a Resident Advisor, and refused to get a student loan.  Three years that required me to spend every summer taking classes to graduate on time.  Three years away from my boyfriend (now husband) that were brutally painful for us at times. 

You can't see, just by looking at me, that part of that weight comes from eating a sickening amount of ramen noodles.  There were times when I had no money to buy groceries and I literally ate ramen noodles four times a day.  And even when I did have some money for groceries, it was never much.  My college diet could pretty much be summed up with the following: processed food, dining hall food and fast food.  None of which are good for you or "healthy", but all are cheap and affordable when your monthly income is $80. 

You also don't know that my lack of sleep probably assisted in my weight gain.  Sleep was optional more than it was required during college.  My third and final year in school, I went to sleep more often during daytime hours than nighttime hours.  The parking lot closest to the studio was only available to students until 7am.  I would stay up all night working and leave with just minutes to spare to narrowly miss a $25 parking ticket from Public Safety.  I would call my boyfriend and say goodnight to him when he was waking up to get ready for work.  My whole world was on a different schedule. 

You weren't there the nights we actually made time to go out and let off a little steam.  We were so stressed out every single day that we were desperate for a little fun.  And you weren't there when my closest friends were turning 21.  When we were able to celebrate one of the most exciting birthdays in a person's life.  "The nights you won't remember with the friends you won't forget".   Nights I could not reschedule, nights I could never replace. 

So I will continue to work on myself, improving my fitness and physique.  And some days I will be really hard on myself, regretting the decisions that led me to where I am now.  But on those days I will have to remind myself that everything in life is give and take.  And if I had to take a little weight gain to have an unforgettable college experience, that is fine by me.  If earning a college degree without any student loans mean having a muffin top, that's okay.  If I had to go up a pant size in order to acquire lifelong friends, I'll take it.  That is a price worth paying in my book. 

So cheers to those of us who have earned our extra pounds.  Whether it be because you had a rigorous college experience, grew a human (or two, or three...), struggle with sickness/disease, or maybe just haven't made super great choices 100% of the time, we all have our reasons.  Everybody has a story and every body has one too.  To those of you who are trying to be a better version of yourself, I toast to you with a giant glass of water in my hand (working on those 60oz!).  And to those of you who are perfectly content, extra pounds or not, I strive to be like you everyday. 

diy: easy card holder

Is this a familiar sight for you?

Our fridge pretty much looked like this during our first Christmas in the house.  I loved having our cards displayed, but it got to be a pain when we were getting in and out of the fridge.  The dogs would knock cards off with their tails, the tape would rip and the card would fall to the floor... sometimes they were more of a hassle than anything.  So, I was determined to come up with a different solution for hanging them up.  I headed over to Pinterest to do some research and came up with a couple of ideas I liked.  My husband and I headed to the hardware store to figure out the rest.

What I really wanted to do was find an old shutter and use that... buttttt these days (thank you Pinterest) they are not that easy to come by, and usually have a hefty price on them because they have become so sought after.  So, we ditched that idea.  We were wandering the aisles and I came across the molding section.  I found rectangle shaped molding and thought that would be a good place to start.  My husband chimed in that we had left over chicken wire in the garage and suggested we staple it to the molding.  A quick coat of spray paint and I would be all set!

This project can easily be done for under $20.  The best part: you choose the size and shape of the frame, the color, the clothespins, etc.  You can personalize this as much as you want!  You could even stencil a design or paint a monogram onto the frame.  Ours is pretty simple which works well for us.  I also like that the size is not "unlimited", so when the frame gets full I know it is time to start recycling some old cards.

At Christmas we still have to use the fridge for a little bit of "overflow" space, but this card holder works great for us all year long!