a blur

It is the last hour of the last day of April in the year 2016.  It has been almost an entire year since I posted here... whoa.

Can I just say something?
        The last 12 months have been a blur.

My latest post was at the end of last May... so let me fill you in since then:

At the beginning of last June, we started to really get our arms around just how sick my Aunt was.  She lives in Florida, so after figuring out that we might not have much time left with her, I took a few days off work and went with my family to see her.  I was grateful to have the time with her, even though spending your days in a hospital room is not high on most people's list.  As a family, we really came together to be there for each other and support one another.  We shared some special memories and made a few new ones, too.  I said my goodbye's to Terri the day I had to fly back home, and I don't know that I will ever forget that moment.

My sister's big bachelorette trip to Nashville was the following weekend, so I spent the spare minutes I had perfecting the plans and decorations for the trip.  We all had a great time - Nashville is a whole lot of fun!!  The Sunday we got back, we got word that my Aunt had passed.  It is so crazy to me that you can be on such a high from having a blast exploring a new city, and in a split second, can crash down so low after hearing news like that.

There is never a "convenient" time to lose someone you care about.  My family just had to keep plugging along on things for my sister's September wedding, even in the midst of dealing with my Aunt's passing.  At the beginning of August we threw my sister an adorable "Breakfast at Tiffany's" themed bridal shower.  My Aunt, Stepmom and Grandma and I had a great time hand-making the decorations for the shower.  I was so pleased with how it turned out!  (maybe a future blog post..?)

About a month before the wedding we threw my sister a mini-bachelorette party here in St. Louis, since the group that went to Nashville was the bridal party only.  We wanted other friends and family to have the chance to celebrate with her as well.  It was the first bachelorette party I have attended where the bride decided, spur-of-the-moment, to get a tattoo!  It was a little crazy, but hey!  it's her wedding, right?

As you can guess, the entire summer just flew right by with all of the wedding festivities, which took us right to the middle of the September - the BIG day!  Everything went off without a hitch and everyone had a great time dancing the night away in a big beautiful barn under the stars.  Kyle, the groom, even rode on horseback into the ceremony!

Tracy Wallin Photography

Tracy Wallin Photography

Tracy Wallin Photography

Tracy Wallin Photography

I also failed to mention - mixed in with all the wedding madness - my sister and parents surprised me with a pet pig for my birthday!  I know that sounds crazy, but for real, I've wanted a pig since I was like 12.  For me, it was a dream come true.

Calvin Swine

October... Halloween, Halloween party...   November... Thanksgiving...   December... Christmas...
(plus the usual laundry-bills-work-exercise-grocery shop-etc. squished in those months)

*whew* we made it to 2016!

Throughout all of last year, my three sisters and I worked really hard to make my Mom's year special.  You might have read in other posts that she was diagnosed with terminal stage 4 cancer back in April of 2014.  Her prognosis was 2 years, with chemo.  We planned some big dinners for her and got some of her siblings together for a special meal.  She also kept working on crossing off items on her bucket list, and making memories with her daughters and grandchildren.  It wasn't always an easy road; my sisters and I spent many days texting and calling each other frustrated with the symptoms of mom's sickness, or medicine, or some combination of both.  It is heartbreaking to watch someone's mind and body give way while you can't do a thing about it.

After the holiday craziness had died down, my sisters and I changed our focus, almost entirely, to Mom.  Her health and mental state were declining and we wanted to be as prepared as we could be for the inevitable.  On a Saturday in April, I said goodbye to my Mom for the last time, and she passed away the next morning.  The following days were even more of a blur than the last year had been.  I basically stopped working on work, and only worked on things for her service.  We had the service on a Friday, and then it was right back into the swing of things on Monday.  Or at least, attempt to.  It has been hard to adjust to her being gone.  We had a very... unique relationship.  We were not your typical mother-daughter bond many people are lucky enough to have.  But that doesn't mean I loved her any less, or don't miss her as much.

So all of that brings me to right here.  This moment.  It has been almost a month since Mom has passed and it still feels like just yesterday.  I am still adjusting.  I am still recovering from last year and this year, and everything, really.  At this point it doesn't feel right to say "recovering" because things have been moving so fast for so long I can't even keep up with what I am recovering from!

Posts will likely be slow on the blog again for a little while.  I actually considered just letting it die a quiet, peaceful death.  But I was (pleasantly) surprised to see the blog had traffic every single month last year, even though I didn't post anything the last seven months.  So somebody must be checking in to see what's been happening here.  Whoever you are - THANK YOU!!  It means the world to me.


I hope that this post finds you well.  That you are taking care of yourself, loving those who are close to you, or you are at least opening your eyes with fresh life each morning.  As cheesy as that might sound, sometimes that is the biggest (or only) accomplishment I have in a given day.

my love handles have a story

Can I get really off-topic for a minute?  Kthanks.

I'm about 15 pounds overweight.  I have concluded this on my own without a medical or fitness education, so take it for what you want.  Even if it is more than that I don't know that I could be that honest with myself.

Source

I have worked pretty hard the past two or three years to lose weight.  Some months I worked a lot harder than others.  I never went on a really strict diet or a crazy exercise routine.  I did workout several times a week, we cleaned up some of our eating habits and I even trained for and ran a half marathon.  Unfortunately, I haven't seen much success.  I have lost a few pounds here or there, but inevitably I have gained them back.  And trust me, this is not a pity party; I'm simply giving you some context for where my head is at right now. 

Do I want to be overweight?  No.  Am I willing to completely sacrifice or give up things that I enjoy that may not be very healthy just to shed a few pounds?  Probably not.  And you know what?  My love handles have a history.  A story all their own.  And as crazy as this sounds, I have earned those extra pounds.  

College did a number on me, like most people I think.  In high school I played sports nearly year-round; sometimes the sports seasons would overlap one another.  Several weeks throughout the school year I would have double practices, spending four hours after school doing physical activity, 3-5 times a week.  So naturally, when you transition from that schedule to one consisting of hours in class, hours in studio and hours watching One Tree Hill reruns on Soapnet, I gained a few pounds.  I tried to be conscious of what I was doing to my body, but there is only so much you can do when getting through college is your only goal.  And when I say "getting through" I mean surviving without failing a class, completely running out of money or suffering a nervous breakdown.  I'm sure there was more I could have done; hindsight is always 20/20 as they say.  But I don't know that I would have done anything differently, given the chance to do it again. 

Sure, I could have bought my own groceries and made fresh food in my dorm instead of going to the dining hall.  But then I would have missed out on unforgettable moments with my new college friends.  I would have never learned how to make "Derek's Mac 'n cheese" when nothing else looked appetizing.  I wouldn't have gotten to know the sweet old lady who swiped our meal cards.  I wouldn't have been able to hear the gossip from last night's shenanigans. 

And yes, I could have not gone on so many "ice cream dates".  But I would have missed precious time with a new best friend.  A best friend that I would live hours away from in just three short years.  A friend that, five years after graduating college and moving back home, I can still say is my best friend. 

Now, you could look at me and judge me - say I'm making excuses.  And that's fine.  You haven't heard my whole story. 

Here is what you don't know: those extra pounds are my "battle wounds", if you will, from my three years at college.  Three years that is scheduled to be four years - but I was broke; I lived off of scholarships and money from being a Resident Advisor, and refused to get a student loan.  Three years that required me to spend every summer taking classes to graduate on time.  Three years away from my boyfriend (now husband) that were brutally painful for us at times. 

You can't see, just by looking at me, that part of that weight comes from eating a sickening amount of ramen noodles.  There were times when I had no money to buy groceries and I literally ate ramen noodles four times a day.  And even when I did have some money for groceries, it was never much.  My college diet could pretty much be summed up with the following: processed food, dining hall food and fast food.  None of which are good for you or "healthy", but all are cheap and affordable when your monthly income is $80. 

You also don't know that my lack of sleep probably assisted in my weight gain.  Sleep was optional more than it was required during college.  My third and final year in school, I went to sleep more often during daytime hours than nighttime hours.  The parking lot closest to the studio was only available to students until 7am.  I would stay up all night working and leave with just minutes to spare to narrowly miss a $25 parking ticket from Public Safety.  I would call my boyfriend and say goodnight to him when he was waking up to get ready for work.  My whole world was on a different schedule. 

You weren't there the nights we actually made time to go out and let off a little steam.  We were so stressed out every single day that we were desperate for a little fun.  And you weren't there when my closest friends were turning 21.  When we were able to celebrate one of the most exciting birthdays in a person's life.  "The nights you won't remember with the friends you won't forget".   Nights I could not reschedule, nights I could never replace. 

So I will continue to work on myself, improving my fitness and physique.  And some days I will be really hard on myself, regretting the decisions that led me to where I am now.  But on those days I will have to remind myself that everything in life is give and take.  And if I had to take a little weight gain to have an unforgettable college experience, that is fine by me.  If earning a college degree without any student loans mean having a muffin top, that's okay.  If I had to go up a pant size in order to acquire lifelong friends, I'll take it.  That is a price worth paying in my book. 

So cheers to those of us who have earned our extra pounds.  Whether it be because you had a rigorous college experience, grew a human (or two, or three...), struggle with sickness/disease, or maybe just haven't made super great choices 100% of the time, we all have our reasons.  Everybody has a story and every body has one too.  To those of you who are trying to be a better version of yourself, I toast to you with a giant glass of water in my hand (working on those 60oz!).  And to those of you who are perfectly content, extra pounds or not, I strive to be like you everyday. 

2014 wrap up

Welllllll this post is only a week late.......

I want to do a quick recap of 2014!  Being my first year with the blog, I am still figuring out how and when to create content and what works well for me and for readers.  This post is a little reflection over the past few months on the blog, and what is coming up for this year.  Feel free to share your thoughts so I can make 2015 even better!

The top three posts (by views):

decor: dressing room collage

diy: halloween mesh wreath

halloween home tour

My three favorite posts:

thanksliving

christmas home tour

this is why we can't have nice things

I am really looking forward to having a whole year to blog.  There is half of a year of decorating and holidays I missed, plus there are so many things I haven't shared with you yet!

On a more sentimental note, it is a little bittersweet for me that 2014 is over.  It wasn't until I really thought about it (it is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and miss a big picture view) but last year was a great year for us.  Most things were, "status quo" and I think that is what I loved about it.  2012 was the "year of change", we bought our first house, moved in together and got married.  2013 I think we were still recovering from the wedding at the beginning of the year, I opened my Etsy shop over the summer and my husband got a new job in December.  2014 was, just, nice.  I mean, don't get me wrong, things "happened" (ran my first half marathon, got two cats) but it all seemed pretty normal for the most part.  I think what is most bittersweet for me is this: my Mom was diagnosed with stage four cancer (colon that spread to her liver and lymphnodes) last spring.  It was truly a miracle that the doctors even found it and we are so thankful for that.  What is bittersweet is that last Christmas could be the last one we spend with our mom.  Her birthday last August could be the last time we get to sing to her.  The doctors gave her six months to two years, depending on how she responds to treatment.  I know, you can't put a timeline on these kinds of things... but still.  We have to live in reality while also trying to stay positive.  My sister is getting married this year (sooooo excited!!!), but needless to say we all have one thing in the back of our minds...

So 2015 will be another interesting year for us.  We will stay busy with the usual house/work/life stuff, and of course with helping my sister plan her wedding.  I am just thankful to have another year to spend with my husband and our little fur family, another year having a job I love, and another year to make my side-businesses more successful!

These are a few of the goals for the blog and posts I hope to achieve during this year:

• get more activity on the blog's Pinterest board
• paint the dresser in our kitchen and live to tell you about it
• reorganize our office (this might take me the entire year).  Still debating on whether I will show you "before" photos, because you might judge me
• post once a week, or four times a month (at least)
• a "year of mantles" post
• more DIY and decor posts

What was your favorite post from 2014?  What would you like to see on the blog this year?  I would love to hear your ideas :) 

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.

Because if you are making mistakes then you are making new things, trying new things,

learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world.

You're doing things you've never done before,

and more importantly, you're doing something.

- Neil Gaiman

Happy New Year!!

thanksliving

I promise you this post will consist of decor for Thanksgiving.

I also promise that I will put heartfelt, reflective, and sincere thoughts in this post.

I hope you enjoy, particularly the latter.

Do you have your Christmas decor up yet?  A tree, maybe?  Or perhaps you have capitalized on the last bit of Fall weather and put your Christmas lights on your roof?  I don't blame you, or shame you.  The planner in me has tried to convince myself that it would be okay to start decorating a little early.  "The holidays are already so busy"  "It doesn't hurt to get started now"  "Christmas will be here before you know it".  I have tried very hard to hush this voice.  This is the voice that will talk so loudly it will drown out my grateful heart.

So I told you that I love Halloween.  And this is true, I really do.  But Thanksgiving is also one of my favorite holidays.  Do you know why?  It is not because of the turkey, or any other food I eat too much of.  It is because no matter how old you are, what religion you believe in (or don't believe in), what political party you support, or what color your skin is... we all have something we can be thankful for. 

I'm going to get a bit religious for a minute, if that offends you, skip on ahead :)

One of the most powerful quotes I have ever heard was:

"What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday"

There are a whole lot of days I would wake up with a bunch of nothing.  And you know what, it is because I do not always take the time to STOP and think about what I am truly thankful for.

Some women at my office started a weekly bible study a few years ago.  I make an effort to attend each week, but my schedule does not always permit.  This week I was able to attend and I am so happy because we talked about Thanksgiving - thanksliving.  The idea that we should live our lives, each day, with a grateful and thankful heart.  Thanksgiving comes around once a year, but we enjoy blessings each and every day.  This is why I love this holiday, because it is a nice reminder of the way we should live our lives year round.

So please, even if for just a fleeting moment, stop all the noise and think about the things you are grateful for.  Enjoy your time with family and friends, no matter how stressful it may be.  Take pleasure in sharing a meal together, even if you hate the way so-and-so makes (insert traditional side dish here).  Laugh.  Play games.  Look at old photos.  Put down your cell phone.  Be thankful.


Alright, I promised you photos... 

I don't put out nearly as much decor for Thanksgiving as I do for Christmas and Halloween.  It is a kind of a nice break between the two, lightens everything up a little bit before the house is full of Christmas-time-galore.

The main theme with my Thanksgiving decor is fall-type things (pumpkins, owls, etc.) and texture.  I feel like Christmas is consumed with glitter and twinkling lights and shiny things.  I really wanted to bring in some different textures before the glitter-takeover.

And of course, my fall wreath has to make an appearance!

  

New this year...

And my set of wood block pumpkins (available for purchase on my Etsy shop)

And finally, this cute little guy we found at the dollar store

What kinds of decor do you like to put out for Thanksgiving?  What are you thankful for?  Sound off in the comments below!

"tiny: a story about living small"

source

Do you ever feel like something happens in your life, and it feels insignificant at the moment, but as you reflect on it, the pieces start to fall together and it seems like fate?

I feel like that happened to me tonight. With a TV show. (I realize how ridiculous this sounds, just wait)

My husband is out of town traveling for business. When he is gone, my over-acheiving self goes into overdrive and I spend very little (if any) time relaxing. I usually catch up on cleaning, laundry, Etsy orders, errands, etc. Well tonight, after doing a myriad of other productive things, I decided to watch a little bit of TV. I launched Netflix and remembered that he made me promise to not watch "Orange Is the New Black" without him, so I decided to browse through the popular shows. I stumbled upon a show called "Tiny" and was intrigued. It is an hour long documentary about a guy who builds a tiny house. 

I'm thinking, "oh, I can relate to this."

Boy, was I WRONG!

Tiny houses are an actual classification (if you will) and are so small it kind of blows my mind. Some of the houses are barely larger than 100 square feet! 

I know... let that process for a minute.....

To put this in perspective, the popular method to begin building a tiny house is to buy a trailer, the kind you use to haul your four-wheeler or lawn equipment around, and use that as the footprint for the entire house. 

source

The documentary was so interesting. They had interviews with many other tiny house owners, and listening to their reasons for wanting a tiny house was both inspiring and humbling at the same time. Right off the bat, it would seem like the main draw for having a tiny house would be the environmental aspects of it, and while those benefits do apply, for most of the people being interviewed that was not the reason they chose to have a tiny house. It was really centered around the kind of life they wanted to live. They didn't want to be stuck in the cycle of a giant house they couldn't afford full of stuff they couldn't afford and to pay for these things they couldn't afford they had jobs they hated that kept them from the very house they were working to pay for. 

When they put it like that, it really makes a lot of sense. Ok, so onto the fate part. 

Last week, a co-worker of mine lost his house in a fire. Basically everything was destroyed by either fire, smoke, or water damage. They were left with nothing. 

Can you even imagine? 

I'm not even talking about clothes or furniture or any of that. All of that can be replaced. But think about those old photo albums from your parents, or a special family heirloom you inherited, or perhaps an urn of ashes from a deceased loved one or pet. 

Gone.

    Destroyed.

         Forever.

It was heartbreaking to hear this news. Fortunately, I am blessed to work for a company that is more like a family than a business, and we overwhelmed them with donations of clothes and school supplies and gift cards within the first fews days after the fire. But those donations cannot substitute for those irreplaceable items.

It really gives you a perspective to reflect on. Both the tiny houses and the complete loss of a house. It makes you wonder what you have hidden under the bed or in the back of a closet that maybe you don't need anymore, or maybe you don't realize how much you would miss it if it was gone. 

So, I am now inspired to go through our house and purge what we don't need or don't like anymore. But more importantly, I am inspired to love this house, all 1075 square feet of it, for what is it. It is not a tiny house, or even a small house by some standards. It is modest, yes, but generous on space when you consider what others are living in (by choice, or not). And you know what? If I don't feel like we have enough storage space, maybe I don't need to be storing so much stuff.

I encourage you to wander through Tumbleweed Tiny House Company's site and the Tiny House Blog. Am I moving into a 184 square foot house? No. Am I telling you to? Definitely not (unless you want to). But I do believe that we could each learn something from these tiny houses. 

"The best things in life aren't things" - Art Buchwald